Going No Where

Frustration determination anger, going no where, nothing but words which want to be heard. A silent minority in a institution protected by the ghost of a soon-to-be-Saint. Wishing to change, to improve, progress, develop. But working within a system of values morphed by Indo-Anglican standards. “This is India! What do you expect?” Is a insult to the many reputable Indian institutions, working to fulfil the best of each child's potential. But here it seems enough that the children have been 'saved' – job done. Responsibility fulfilled. But is food, clothes and colourful curtains sufficient? Where is the watchdog, ensuring that standards are met? Where are the evaluations of how methods could be improved? Where are the rights of the children? But again, the loophole of 'India' seems to prevail, as compared to the millions of homeless kids, these are the 'lucky' ones. Reading old reports of the orphanage shows that much has improved. Not all the toys are locked up; there more than enough clothes, and the children receive regular health check ups and are usually admitted into a decent hospital when necessary. But other things have not improved, and this is unacceptable.

Children who should be learning to walk are just strapped to the wall, those who have had surgery to increase mobility, pull themselves along the ground, crawling rather than learning how to stand with the assistance of the box of prosthetic supports. Older children with minor disabilities are never taught to use the toilet, so at the age of six are still wearing cotton nappies. Volunteers with specialist skills are not filtered through, and offers to provide valuable trainings, sharing useful skills are shunned. Hanging out buckets of laundry on the roof rather than working with the children seems defeatist. Are volunteers taking local womens jobs? If they weren't hanging out the lines of hand-washed sheets would others be employed to do it? Is that 'saved' money appropriately used; and who decides what is 'appropriate'? But I am warned that we should all be 'humble' and no one is exempt from hanging out laundry – my point drying in the mid-day sun in total incomprehension.

Sharing my views with other volunteers feels almost like treason; what right to I have to question the work of God? Or question their well spent vacation? But I am the same. I have decided to attempt to change the system from the inside – to try to make the world a better place through reducing the suffering of a few children, and to do so by giving them a little power over their basic essentials – eating, toileting, walking. But it seems such a huge battle, and I am often left doubting if it is my courage which is lacking or the rigidity of the system prevailing?