Dreamings

I keep having dreams about Gita. They are disturbing dreams. I dreamt that I returned to Kolkata and went directly to Sishu Bhavan. I began to look for Gita among the running children. I couldn't see her anywhere. I asked the Sister in charge where Gita was and she pointed to a blind child – but it wasn't Gita. She insisted it was I who was mistaken. Doubting myself I approached the child and began to speak. She didn't recognise me. But something was strange about her. Like Gita she had no eyes. And yet unlike Gita she seemed to know the World. She knew about the invisible – about colours, about shades of skin, about the size of the world, about the air and about the enormous space above and around us. She knew because she had just lost her eyes. Her eyeballs had been stolen from her. I tried to tell the other volunteers, the Sisters, my friends, but no one would believe me.

Last night, once again, I dreamt that I returned to the orphanage, but this time I took Bruno with me – I wanted him to meet Gita. This time I found her easily. Although she was much younger – she was a baby. As soon as I walked into the room she sensed my presence, and once my wrist produced a jingle jangle she came tottering towards me. Immediately I sensed Bruno was thinking something. He whispered to me that Gita had down syndrome. How did I not know? I told him he was wrong and that he just had to spend more time with her. I picked her up and insisted that we sleep at the orphanage. Both Bruno and I crawled into her cot and slept. I woke in the middle of the night to find out that in our sleep we had suffocated her. I had killed Gita.

In real life, I woke up upset. I told Bruno of my dream – he replied that he had also dreamed of Gita.

Can any sense be made of these sub conscious dreamings?

Today I really miss her.