Walls

Feelings. Wanting to make a difference. Idealism. Stupidity. Defeatist? Stopping occasionally to wonder about motivations but propelled by sight; nurtured by a love for life, and for a belief in a common humanity. That surely we can all share this wonderful world – full of beauty and pain, a delicate balance full of experience. A small bamboo tattoo hidden from sight reminds. Freedom from repression; freedom to live; a endless freedoms and a infinite meanings and fears are not enough to defeat, but enough to cast shadows of disillusionment. History teaches some rich lessons; determination and the prevalence of the truth despite the concrete walls as solid as granite moulded by heat, and whittled by weather, still suffocating life from the sun. Moss continues to crawl. Others have overcome far greater challenges; blatant injustices have been buried, and lost freedoms re-won. At other times, corruption and greed seem to prevail. Protected by fake morals and contradictory ideals. Our species seems to have continuously taken foolish choices; propelled by the self interest of the powerful. Rich knowledge of our indigenous peoples has been left to bleed into the soil. Even now when 'we' acknowledge past actions of cruelty – stupidity do 'we' refuse to change our ways. Electric numbers dictating choices, as life is devalued to beyond meaningless. So many have far too much and far more have far too little. Waste, greed, perpetuating beyond rational, hidden by smiles and hypocritical gestures. I wonder about human nature – about 'our nature'. Nature nurture, nurture nature. Some actions need no choice, and yet there they are hidden from view, veiled by excuses. Reason should prevail. Should shouldn't exist. A sinking feeling of defeat deep in my belly, fought with a stubbornness which might be foolishness. What use is it to keep hitting the wall, if it is continuously being reinforced, minor superficial changes preventing revolution. Meanwhile, the suffering of 'us' continues through lost lives and irreversible damage. Defeated? Enlightened? Making the world a better place, or making yourself feel a little less useless? A cog in a matrix of a universe. A speck of dust. Determination surges through my heart, along my chest and down my arms as my fingers burst with ideas. Life for a second of this infinity which is clouded in unanswered probabilities. But actions speak louder than words and the days tears continue to sting my eyes red as frustrations have to find a way to escape. Subdued. Defeated. Tired. Continuously privileged and 'entitled' to the freedoms I can realise, its all too easy to turn away and be surrounded by a shallow beauty of life and colour, as darkness steals through the shadows.